Sea of Love
by heartfilledlikealandfill
Summary: Beginning from S2E3 and then on, never having met Blaine, Kurt Hummel feels utterly alone. No one has ever reached out to him in a way that made him realize he is worth something. Hummels are strong, his dad tells him, and Kurt is. But he is also easily discouraged. He decides death is the easiest way out. What awaits him are not the pearly gates, but something that is so much more
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hey there guys. This is my first Glee story that I'm posting, but certainly not my first xD This story is slowly being progressed, so posts will be once every other week, every week at best. I will try to keep posts constant, and if not, I'll be sure to let you know. **

**Title was taken from Sea of Love - Cat Power (which actually helped me immensely with this story)  
**

**I own neither Glee or RIBs character and ideas. Although I would like to have Ryan Murphy locked in a cage for all that he has done to me.  
**

**Enjoy, yo  
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**Warning: Hinted suicide, eventual klaine, and will eventually live up to its M rating  
**

* * *

Kurt had forgotten what it was like to be living. Sure, his blood was pumping and his skin was warm, but he was uncertain that this was what living was supposed to feel like.

He doubted that living would make him want to scream and cry and kick. He wanted to explode and ooze all over his room, blood on the walls and brains on the pillows, the smell of excrement flooding the air.

The steady rhythm of his heartbeat in his ears gave him no reassurance in the current fact that he was there and present. That he was existing.

He didn't feel like he deserved the drag coming from his lungs every time he inhaled. He didn't feel like he deserved the blood that rose out of his flesh with every scrape and cut. He didn't feel like he deserved the right of such creation and such life as this one.

Earth is known in our galaxy to be the only planet existing that is flawless in sustaining perfect living conditions for life. But it is also flawless at making people wish they didn't live in those conditions. Earth, like the many things living on it, also has many flaws.

* * *

One common and unchanging defect of living was pain.

Everyone felt different sorts of emotions and feelings for adverse and varying reasons. Everyone is different in those aspects. But everyone feels pain the same way. It is one undeniable thing that everything can all feel at one point or another, in the exact same way.

Its unpleasant, and people have used it as an advantage to get what they want and make their own self proclaimed righteous disciplines. Mankind, in particular, seems to find it as one of the most fascinating and effective ways of 'negotiation' and 'reason.' It was a primary symptom of life that Kurt didn't deem any sort of significant gratitude for.

He really fucking hated it.

* * *

Kurt wasn't adjusting as well as he thought he would to constantly being shoved into lockers by heavy shoulders, nor the occasional slushie and homophobic slur.

He had learned that if he kept bumping the same bruise it was never going to heal.

He felt like he was drowning, struggling to keep himself from sinking in the black water. He also believed he wouldn't stop kicking, or fighting, or holding his breathe. He would wait. He would find a way to swim to the top. He still had enough air.

But have you noticed things seem muted when you're underwater?

* * *

Nobody ever listened.

* * *

Some say your first kiss- your _really real_ first kiss -is the one that you will always remember, despite the amount of others you'll encounter. That that one slide of smooth lips (or in Kurt's case, chapped and forceful) is the one that sets up how you imagine every other first experience you'll have with another person. It is the one that stays with you.

Kurt's first kiss stayed with him for a long time.

* * *

Its getting harder to look at the school tiles.

* * *

Its getting harder to lie to his father.

* * *

Its getting harder to lie to himself.

* * *

It was getting harder for Kurt to listen when there was so much water flooding in his ears.

* * *

He decides he should start appreciating the ocean for more reasons than one.

* * *

The next time Kurt thinks about living is when he isn't.

He gazes at the space around him. Empty. Its not a color, but its not white either. Its not light or dark, and there's no sky or ground. He can't find anything of significance or any type of organic matter.

But there must be a floor, he thinks, because Kurt can feel himself sitting on something solid, flat and invisible. The space around him seemed to span everywhere, no horizon or stopping point in any direction.

Kurt's pale blue clothing feels kind of damp, but other than that he doesn't have any sort of discomfort. Its strange here. Serene.

He starts walking, trying to detect any significant sign of life or scenery.

He doesn't find any. This place is unimaginable.

* * *

Kurt thinks he has been walking in place for days. He doesn't feel exhausted or hungry. He doesn't feel like time has passed at all. He is frozen. He is stuck, quite literally, in that instant.

He doesn't know how to mark where's hes been, or remember what he's already seen.

He stops and thinks for a while, before deciding to take off his shoes and set them on the invisible surface. He starts walking, but notices his shoes aren't leaving his side. He starts sprinting, but when he looks back down his shoes are in the exact same place, having not of moved from the spot he put them in.

There is no concept of distance and time here.

* * *

You know when you blank out in the middle of class, or zone out of whatever somebody is saying? And you stop and think to yourself, holy shit, where did that time go? Where did your consciousness go? Its as if you weren't even there. For that split second, you had escaped from yourself.

That's what it feels like here, Kurt muses. He can't decide if he likes it or not, but he feels as though its better to him than actually being fully aware.

* * *

Years, that feel like minutes to Kurt, pass. He is inside his own isolated world, one to call his own.

He tries to remember of a time before this place, this enigma. He doesn't think of the friends he left behind, he doesn't even think of his father. He barely registers his own name, and after he keeps fighting for it to stay within his mind, he realizes he doesn't need it. He doesn't need to define anything, because being out of the world of labels and stereotyping, Kurt realizes he doesn't need any of it.

He soon forgets the point of wondering. He feels complete. He has reached his old life's enlightenment. He doesn't care anymore. Things are finally good.

* * *

In the decade of our time since his death, Kurt himself had only felt an hour pass. He is now floating in a thick and almost jello like air, laying face up, staring into the blank and bare abyss above him. He isn't bored exactly, but he doesn't feel the need to be entertained either.

He could stay like this for an eternity.

Kurt closes his eyes for a long moment, staring at the strange patterns and transparent bacteria and dust behind his eyelids. He has been noticing things like that, how he still feels his throat go dry sometimes, or how his hand starts to fall asleep when he lays on his side for too long on the incredibly comfortable and transparent ground below him. He doesn't feel like his body has actually stopped working. Just his surroundings have changed.

When he finally opens his eyes he finds it fascinating how his pupils don't have to adjust. Everything is the same light here. Everything is balanced.

As Kurt starts to drift of into pointless sleep, there is a suddenly a small flash above him.

Not so much a flash as a flicker, but he gets startled when a small something starts falling out of seemingly nowhere. The new configured material, that vaguely represents paper, floats and twirls above Kurt's head until he extends an arm and catches it between his fingers. It reads;

_You wasted your time on earth. You can make up for the things you took for granted._

The small shred of paper burst into a blue light, and transformed into something that represented a hologram. It didn't have a screen, but it looked like a thin and solid plate. It floated in front of Kurt's view as it flashed on.

A small boy, probably five years old, appeared on the screen. His hair had unruly black curls that grew over his honey filled and tear filled eyes. The screen flashed and the boy zoomed closer to the screen, so close Kurt noticed a few scattered freckles on his cheeks.

Two bigger and seemingly older boys suddenly pushed him down out of the sandbox, and he landed comically on his face.

Despite the sobs that came out of the tiny boy, Kurt smiled sadly at him. He was quite cute in his obliviousness, but something made Kurt's smile fade fast.

Blood came trickling from his cheek where he had landed, and his curls where clumped together with mud. Kurt was half expecting the small and abused boy to turn and run away, when suddenly he rubbed his nose and faced the two bullies with a look of fury and a burst of determination is his light brown eyes.

_'You are cowards.'_

* * *

Kurt watched the boy endlessly, becoming more and more adoring and protective of him the more he watched him.

His name was Blaine. He had been four at the time of 'The Sandbox Incident', as Kurt referred to it, and in the ten minutes Kurt had observed he had already aged 3 years.

As Blaine grew and became the slightly taller 7-year-old Kurt was watching, as his speech became more articulate and his attitude became more humble, he found that the bullying was not a rare or receding occurrence. Many boys over the years seemed to continuously bother him, not only at the park, but at school too, far into his years of middle school.

Kurt would huff in irritation, sometimes infuriated by how people treated him. He would do anything in those instances to go there and give them a piece of his deteriorating mind.

Blaine never spoke back or out of turn towards his abusers. The only words ever falling from his lips were thick with disgust and disappointment.

_'You are cowards.'_

* * *

When Blaine was just a few weeks from graduating middle school, taller and muscular with a wider frame, he found out a secret that Kurt himself had always been afraid to admit.

'Mom, Dad... I'm gay.'

Things went even more downhill from there. It turns out Blaine's mother was very tolerating of it, but his father on the other hand would be infuriated about the fact his son had such blindness. He would be disappointed in Blaine's seemingly never ending difficulty with being normal.

As Kurt tried grasping at the floating screen in front of him, eyes wide with horror as the screen turned blank. The blue light appeared again and the screen vanished.

Another flash occurred, and a second white piece of paper lowered to the invisible ground in front of Kurt's bent knees.

_You can help him. Yes or no._

"Yes, yes, yes, please. Please let me help him," Kurt whispered hoarsely, somehow finding the words he had forgotten before. "Please let me be with him."

Sea salt suddenly stung Kurt's eyes and the sound of heavy waves crashing against rocks flooded the caverns of his emptied mind.

Then everything went silent again.

* * *

**Wow those are a lot of separators. There wont be so many next time omg promise**

**Aaand, I will be posting the second chapter next week :)**

**What will become of him? WHO KNOWS, SO PLEASE STAY TUNED NEXT WEEK FOR ANOTHER CHAPTER OF- _SEA OF LOVE_  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow you really must forgive me for the delay. Holy moley. I'm very sorry for the wait, its been a few weeks.**

**I am an unreliable source of estimating time. x) I have had this chapter saved up for like a month now and I failed to publish it, and I really have no good excuses other than just personal reasons and schedule.**

**Here it is, and I am so sorry.**

**This takes place about 3 years after our 14-year-old Blaine came out.**

* * *

Blaine had been driving towards the country side for a few hours now, far outside Westerville limits. The wind flowing in through the window was warm and smelled like dry grass. He noticed the sun was setting, almost touching the horizon where Blaine couldn't see a tree or cloud in site. His car was cruising slowly on the dirt road; a blank wheat field was sprawled around him from all directions.

He hadn't planned to drive so far tonight, let alone at all. He didn't even plan on leaving his house, but he had to, he was just so blinded in a heated state of rage, he had to evacuate before he did something he would regret. (Preferably throwing the dining room chair through the window, he mused.)

Blaine had took his keys out of his jacket that hung near the front door after listening to his mother shout words of venom and disappointment. He had been trying to reason with her, his father trying to calm her, but their efforts were to no avail. She had screamed something along the lines of 'I'll just call you Nancy' or some other sort of sexist and homophobic conduct. Blaine had had enough of it, far before this night, and he believes that is why he finally cracked.

Driving further and further away, to the point where the minutes started to flow together like static, his anger never ceasing, he reflected on what she had said. His own mother. His father and him have not been very close since the night he… He said the words he knew his parents would never approve of, but he had still tried to at least bond with him. Well, they built a car. A damn car. Blaine never understood house his father thought he, a Roxy-music-loving-capri-wearing-bowtie-collecting-_gay, _teenager would ever want to do with cars and mechanics. He still wondered.

His mother, on the other hand, wanted nothing to do with him afterwards. She would set her and her husbands places at the table, making Blaine need to fetch his own things and food. She would not address him at dinner, or after school, or any part of the day for that matter. They were strangers to each other, seeing sides of themselves that neither wanted to be acquainted with.

Tonight had been the first night his mother had talked to him in weeks, and it obviously didn't turn out the way Blaine or his father would have wanted. Blaine had enough verbal (even more so, physical) abuse at school, and his father knew that. Yet he never seemed to do anything other than give her shakes of the head and warning glances. Blaine wondered sometimes if he really wanted to defend him in the first place, or he was just doing what he thought a father should do.

Blaine had to squeeze his eyes shut, trying to will the tears away with no success.

Becoming more enraged when he had started to cry, Blaine pulled over to the side of the road while he was on the highway. He surprised himself when he jumped out of the car and started kicking the brush and trees that were near the road.

He couldn't see anything clearly thanks to the mistiness in his eyes, but he kept scrapping the dirt and throwing debris that fell off the trees he was hitting, letting out small whimpers and gasps.

Although he did stand there for a long time, grunting and yelling at the vegetation, he finally tired himself out. The tears flowed freely as his mouth fell shut.

Blaine was a kind-hearted boy, and only took up violence when he had to. Suffering through bullying had made him fill up with all sorts of unbridled rage. It was the only real reason he had started taking boxing classed when he turned fifteen.

His hands were pulsing with discretion and distress. His arms shaking, he became surprised and _terrified_ at his actions, even more so than he was with his mother's.

His heart grew heavy as he felt blood coming from his abused knuckles. Looking up to gaze at the tortured side of the tree he had mistreated, his bottom lip jutted out and a sad sniffle escaped him.

This was a normal thing with Blaine Anderson. It _always_ happened when he was upset, ever since he was a little boy. His mother nicknamed him Pouty-fish as soon as she saw it, a name she still liked to call him (or at least she did, before his… 'Outburst of rebellion.')

Now with his hands bandaged from his safety kit in the compartment of the dashboard, and his tears subsided, he was staring at the most beautiful place he had ever seen.

The wheat field was normal for Ohio, but the beautiful tall flowers sprouting around a lone tree just off the horizon, was definitely not. Blaine stopped the car and sat there in a state of shock. The tree was short, only about 7 feet tall, and the branches were bare. Sprouting all around it were small blue daisies, along with tall lighter-blue tulips.

Flowers did not bloom this time of year, with fall just around the corner, but Blaine could not argue as he started walking away from his car.

The sun could not been seen, but the sky stayed a dark and soft blue in the clear sky, the moon barely visible. Blaine stepped throw the tall grass, not bothering with how it itches his bare ankles. As he came closer, he doesn't know if it was the trick of the light, but the scene seemed to grow fainter. It looked almost translucent, as if you could stick your hand through the body of the tree.

Blaine chuckled to himself, then felt his smile fall off his face. He had been only about two feet away from the tree, and it was suddenly gone.

"Maybe I am crazy," he muttered, in utter disbelief of his delusion. He could not have just saw thought, it could absolutely not have been just a trick of the light.

He quickly stepped toward where the tree had been, observing every part of the now empty area of grass. He huffed, running his hand over his sweaty and curly haired head. He looked down at his feet, and in that instant he swore he saw something move. Snapping his head up and running forward he-

"Ow!"

"Ah!"

"AH!"

Blaine had fallen head first into a sleeping and soaking wet man. The voice had been so high pitched that at first he did not believed it had came from a man, but a small animal like a cat or maybe a bird.

The man (or boy, Blaine thought) had woken with a start, and had crawled/crab-walked backwards, much farther away from where Blaine had landed.

"I am so sorry!" Blaine rushed to grab his arm, but jumped back quickly the moment he felt a rush of cool air. Gasping, Blaine reached for him again, but ended up shaking his arm as goose bumps rose on his entire body. He pulled his arm to his body to warm it, finally noticing the water that was dripping from his fingertips.

The man was clothed in only a blue t-shirt and jeans, and his skin was so pale it reminded Blaine of sand. His eyes were bright, almost glowing, and the most beautiful blue he had ever seen. His heart began thumping in his chest.

They stared at each other until the man's lips (that had been opening and closing like a fish out of water) finally formed words.

"… That hurt." He whispered.

Blaine stood with his eyes wide, and just gaped at him.

The man seemed startled, eyes flickering around his surroundings like some sort of bird, head snapping from side to side. He seemed confused and almost scared. After he analyzed his environment did he look at Blaine again.

His head turned towards him and he said, "What year is it."

Blaine actually had the nerve to laugh at that, his other hand gripping his sides as he spurted streams of gasps and snorts as he giggled. The man smiled widely at him.

"2012," Blaine choked out over his bounds of laughter. The man's smile fell.

"Where are we?"

"Ohio."

"Who are you?"

"My name is Blaine."

That was when the man's face crumpled, and tears started streaming from his face. The sky was dark, yet Blaine thought he could still somehow see the color of his eyes. His tears reflected off the moonlight, and Blaine filed it as one of the most remarkable sights he will ever see.

"K-Kurt."

* * *

**I really suck a whole lot and I am sorry you have to read this poop.**

**It will get better, I hope.**


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